My Weekend

I had THE MOST AMAZING weekend!! I feel like I just got back from a crazy retreat, but I've been home all weekend, doing the regular stuff.

SATURDAY

It started on Saturday morning. I was babysitting my brother since my mom was at a home school meeting and my dad was hog hunting all weekend. Colton is 8, and he had a baseball game. I am not athletically inclined. I do not understand baseball. Saturday morning was cold and windy and I found myself huddled up in a little ball, sitting on the grass, enduring a game that was supposed to be an hour and ended up being an hour and a half long, basically just feeling sorry for myself.

ENTER GOD

I was totally struck by God just then. He started talking to me and talking to me - the whole time I was at the game. He told me how He missed me spending so much time with Him like I used to, reminded me that He was jealous for me. We talked about everything - absolutely everything - and then He started asking me strange questions. Such as, "Do you trust me?" I told Him that I did. He asked if I loved Him. I assured Him that I loved Him. He asked, "Do you believe that My ways are higher than your ways?" "Yes I do," "Do you trust me and love me enough to put me first and obey me, even when it might not make sense to you?" "uh.. yeahhh.... why? I'm not gonna lie, God. These don't sound like great questions." He told me what He was planning to end this weekend - a part of my life that was pretty important to me. But He assured me, "You will have peace. Don't be afraid. I'll be right there, comforting you and giving you joy. I will not remove this from your life, but for right now, it cannot be what it was."

I got home, and read "The Same Kind of Different As Me" by Ron Hall and Denver Moore. The book is absolutely wonderful, and I highly recommend it. I was less than half-way through, and I finished the book on Saturday. It's about a woman named Deborah Hall, her ministry to homeless people, her amazing life, and how she touched everyone around her. She died of cancer. The story is told by her husband and a homeless man whose life she has totally changed. It's a true story. Tears poured down my cheeks as I read parts of this book. I had to put it down at one point, and I just prayed, "God! Make me like Deborah Hall!!! I want that more than anything. I want to bring that kind of beauty. I want to leave have that kind of impact."

SUNDAY

I went to Celebration to work with kinder and 1st graders in the 1130 service. It was spectacular! I love that age, and the kids were wonderful. I played with them and talked to them. I worshiped with them and loved on them. I loved it soso much! I work with kids in Awana, but I only see them during game time, so I haven't had much of a chance to build real relationships with the kids. The one-on-one time I got, just getting to know them, warmed my heart. I'm ready to go back!

During the XL service, everything Pastor Paul talked about brought me back to that book - "Same Kind of Different as Me". I was reminded again of the timeless beauty that Deborah Hall graced this world with and the change in Denver's life that has touched so many others. Again, I wanted that. The extended worship, though, is what blew me away.

The music started, and I was there: in the throne room of God, singing and praising in time with the angels and the people that surrounded me. I was one with creation that cannot help but bring glory to its Creator. It was the most amazing and intense worship service I have ever been in. But I cannot stop at singing. God made me a writer, so I must write. I can never finish a service standing by the stage. I have to return to my seat and pour out a 'word-offering' to my King. Every time. I sat down last night, had not written for very long, and felt very strongly that I should put the pen down, be still, and know that He is Lord. I'm not good at sitting still, but I was very still last night. Suddenly, I was no longer in Celebration. I could not hear the music. I was no longer sitting in the purple chair. I was having a vision.

THE VISION

I was in a room with four walls. Three walls were lined with identical, unmarked, white marble pillars. Behind them, it was so dark I could not see where the wall was, but I knew it was there. There were wispy things that looked like smoke lurking behind the pillars. I knew that they were bad and I should not touch them. I could not see the celieng, but the floors were the same white marble as the pillars. The fourth wall, however, was a giant window. The window was completely open - no glass - and there were curtains blowing on either side of the window. The curtains were on fire, but they were not burning up. There was a window seat with white cushions. Out the window, I saw a beautiful land. I saw a giant feild full of flowers of all different colors. There was a path that lead from the center of the window out into the horizon. On the right of the path, there was a giant tree - it was MASSIVE - and a little bench was beneath it. On the left of the path, there was a stream with cattails and frogs and it was teeming with life. It was sunset, just at the time when everything looks golden and wonderful. It was warm, there was a gentle breeze, and it smelled wonderful outside.

After seeing the room, I realized where I was. I was standing very near to a pillar on the wall opposite the window. It was the first pillar of that wall, all the way to the right, in the corner. Turning to look to my right behind me, I saw pillars and I knew that they were people. I could see my mom and dad and others who have impacted me. To my left, I saw pillars and knew that they were people I had not met yet. The room, I knew, was my life, and the pillars are the people who support me and hold me up. I was staring straight ahead at this pillar, and the black wispy things started to creep up around me and the pillar, and I could not see anything in my paripheral vision but the wispys. I took a step back, and the wisps immediately withdrew, back behind the pillar. I turned and saw the window. Fascinated, I walked over and sat on the window seat. I took a deep breath and enjoyed the beauty. Suddenly, I thought of how wonderful it would be to walk on that path. I climbed out the window, began walking on the path, and found myself in Celebration being blasted by music.

It was incredible.

I'm so excited by everything that God is doing, the changes that He has made. I have never had anything so in-my-face and tangible from God before. I can't fully describe what it was like. Words are so limited sometimes... But everything has changed. My life has been rearranged this weekend, and I am SO PUMPED about it! God is moving IN ME! Sometimes I wonder how in the world He can still want me after all the times I've messed up, all the times I've refused what He's told me, all the days I've pushed Him aside. How amazing and wonderful and freeing is it that I have a Maker that loves me so much? I am nothing without Christ. Nothing at all. I have worth and value only because He says I do. Alone, I am a rebellious body that was made of dirt, ridiculously fragile and short-lived. But through Jesus, I have become something eternally living, a person with a purpose, a demonstration of love and grace.

HOW COOL IS THAT??

:)